Dear Santa,
But why is it only the little ones are allowed to write lists? I have to say that I find this state of affairs discriminatory and most troubling eh. After all the big ones gotta work extra hard to be good. BTW what are the standards for the nice and naughty list? And who decides who should be on which list? I hope whoever it is hasn't been spending too much time in Guyana or else I may be forced to give him/her a little "top up" to get on to the right list.
As far as the standards are concerned, there may be some grey areas as to the minimum acceptable standards for inclusion on the nice list. For instance, I would say that giving brilliant smiles to some people even while thinking homicidal thoughts meets the minimum requirements yes?
'Tis the season of giving and such giving does by far outweigh receiving. Therefore, it is in this spirit, that I will prove just how generous I am by giving you some very special gifts for the less fortunate namely the polar bears in the Artic. To save you the trouble I will even gift-wrap in my best paper for you the Beys, the Biebs, reality TV shows and the real housewives of Beverly Hills/N.J etc. Also, please let Microsoft Word know that I am not a fan of it’s politically correct suggestions, or its substitution of skint for that unique Guyanese word that is interchangeable as an endearment or an insult.
Pretty please with a cherry on top tell the stores that the Christmas season begins in December not in October and November. Otherwise, I might need some counselling come January for PTSD.
Do fuggedabout all the Santa is not real allegations and the Satan Clause stuff that some factions are peddling. I BELIEVE in you (not that I am kissing up to you or anything for the Kitchen Aid Pro 5 stand mixer). Note that delivery of same will also absolve you of claims filed for your failure to make good on last year’s delivery.
Since I live in the city and have neither a wood burning fireplace nor a chimney, you may drop my gifts at the door. In any case, I would not want your generous gluteus maximus to be trapped in a narrow, sooty shaft. I will leave you some cookies and milk on the condition that you share with me your secret for not having the food Nazis harass you about the sugars and carbs consumed by you at this time of the year.
Luv you Santa,
Yoli.
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